How to Confess a Secret Without Totally Effing Up Your Marriage

If you’ve been hiding something from your spouse and you’re worried it’s hurting your relationship, this expert advice will help you come clean.

Tara Fields was recently quoted in Cosmopolitan magazine. Read the original article here. 

Every husband and wife keeps secrets — they could be as minor as what your singing voice really sounds like, or more serious, like past infidelity or hidden debt. And while you might have been taught that it’s best to treat your husband as a Bachelor-esque confessional, that’s not necessarily the key to a healthy marriage.

“People keep secrets in the first place because they’re often afraid of what will happen next, or they tell themselves they’re protecting someone else but they’re really protecting themselves,” says Tara Fields, PhD, psychotherapist, relationship expert, and author of The Love Fix: Repair and Restore Your Relationship Right Now. “But one thing that people don’t realize is that there are major opportunities to heal old wounds and strengthen relationships when you’re open and forthcoming about things. Plus, something that seems small can actually have deep, rooted issues behind it.”

So if you ask yourself whether the secret is helping or hurting you — or you can ask a friend you really trust to gut-check you, suggests Fields — and if it’s hurtful in the long run, it’s time to get the process started so you can figure out as a couple how to move forward.