gaslighting

You’re Not Nuts! (You’re Being Gaslighted)

Are you in a relationship that sometimes has you question your sense of self and even your sanity? Do you occasionally think, “Something just isn’t right here…”? Do you feel chronically insecure, but you’re not sure why?

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Courtesy of Redbook Magazine - Article Featuring Tara Fields, Ph.D., LMFT

The Real Reason Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Are Still Wearing Their Wedding Rings

Tara Fields was recently quoted in Redbook magazine. Read the original article here

Ever since announcing their divorce, and subsequently depressing all of America, ​ Jen and Ben have been seen about town still wearing their wedding rings, which has frankly made it hard for us to grieve, and a little bit confused.

Apparently they’re doing it to present a united front for the sake of their three kids, Violet, 9, Seraphina, 6, and Samuel, 3, who they have said they’re “committed to co-parenting.”

Marriage and family therapist, and author of The Love Fix: Repair and Restore Your Relationship Right Now,Dr. Tara Fields told us that Ben and Jen are doing it to send a message to the media that they’re still a team. 

“They’re saying, no matter what you’re reading, we’re still a team, we’re still parents.” They’re also doing it as a reminder to their children that while their relationship with each other may have changed, the way they feel about their family has not, and never will.

Dr. Fields adds, “During a divorce, there are so many phases of grieving, and in the early stages, a couple can feel some internal ambivalence that can manifest externally. Together, a couple can say ‘let’s both decide as a team to put our rings back on’ which is a fantastic choice, especially for famous people who are vulnerable and want to protect their kids.”

 “Wearing their rings is a wonderful way to say that no matter what is happening, we can still control this one element and that’s the statement they’re making to the outside world and their children.”

A source close to the couple agrees with Dr. Fields. The “insider” conferred to People, that the rings do act as a symbol for their children. “They just want their kids to be okay.”

And that’s something we can certainly stand by. 

Dr. Dean Edell reviews THE LOVE FIX

Before he retired, Dr. Dean Edell hosted the nationally-syndicated Dr. Dean Show, for decades the highest-rated program on the radio. But to me, Dean was a role model, teaching me that the media could be used not just for entertainment, but to make the world a better place.

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Dr. Dean Edell’s spectacular review of THE LOVE FIX:
 
When you fall in love you ultimately raise your chances of eventual conflict and pain. If you accept that conflict can be a great teacher then you are ready for the next level. Yes, Dr. Tara Fields has three decades under her belt as a couple’s therapist but unlike most of her brethren, also has had a vast experience in the media. So she knows how to   communicate. And you are the beneficiary. That’s only one reason why this is the best relationship book I have ever read. Modern psychological research has advanced our knowledge beyond the simplistic idea that relationship problems are because men and women are from different planets!  Hang on, because if you are serious about improving fixing and growing your love look no further. First, this is NOT a book full of vague feel-good platitudes and homilies. Yes, it is wise and modern but most important for me, refreshingly objective, down to earth, direct and practical. For instance,  you and your partner can take self assessment tests (HEARTwork) that give you a numerical score for your feelings and relationship status…then armed with such REAL information, you will find simple practical exercises ( 3-minute Fix) that anyone can do . And then there are the stories about real people gleaned from Fields extensive experience as a therapist. These vignettes read like a novel you can’t put down. I believe that this is an important book even if you are not in a stressed relationship. The push in medicine these days is prevention. Why not take that attitude about your relationship which after all can be the most important source of joy or misery in your life. This is a must read for all of us.
Dean Edell M.D.

How To Stop Driving Love Away

No matter where we are in a relationship—newly dating or married for decades—we all want love and we all want connection. So what is it about conflict, uncertainty or disappointment with a partner that always seems to disconnect us and drive love away?

If you’re still dancing the “come-close-go away” with someone you care about, or just sabotaged yet another promising romance, maybe it’s time to look at what you’re doing and try something new. Read more

California Passes Bill Banning Gay Reparative Therapy

originally published in the huffington-post
Originally posted: 05/31/2012 3:45 pm Updated: 06/02/2012 1:54 pm in The Huffington Post


robin.wilkey@huffingtonpost.com

The California State Senate approved a bill that would make California the first state in the nation to ban the use of conversion therapy, a type of psychotherapy aimed at turning LGBT people straight, among minors.

. . . .

However, the ban is not without its critics.

The National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) quickly came out against the bill on its website, citing it as inappropriate government intrusion.

“Bull,” said licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Tara Fields in response. “There are so many laws and guidelines regarding therapy because it is such a sacred resource for humans. People who come in here sometimes have serious psychological damages and it is essential that those boundaries exist.”

Fields said that, while there is little evidence supporting the success of conversion therapy, there is much evidence to support its impacts.

“There are those who have white-knuckled it and claimed that they’ve been converted. But research has shown profound negative psychological impacts, including anxiety and depression, as a result,” she told HuffPost. “And as therapists, we don’t have a right to decide what other people’s values should be.”

For the full article go to The Huffington Post

Transforming Conflict

New and never-ending conflict may garner big ratings on certain reality shows or guarantee an invite back for season two, but for those of us who live off screen, a constant stream of conflict can keep us steeped in misery.

But there are ways to handle the inevitable disagreements and disagreeable parts of life.

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Can Your Relationship Survive An Affair?

Scandalous affairs that end relationships grab headlines in the tabloids. Think Arnold, Tiger, and Petraeus to name a few. But in real life, like yours, a relationship can survive an affair and become even stronger than before.

Over the years of counseling couples, whether famous or not, for those who are genuinely sincere about saving their relationships, it is an ongoing process to repair broken trust.

Here is the advice I have given in countless sessions that I have found works ….

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Rekindle Your Passion

Valentines Day comes just once a year but a passionate relationship takes nurturing all 365 days of the year. Here is my advice based on both research and experience on how to rekindle the flame regardless of how dim it has become.

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Making Your Vows Last

Take a break from looking at floral arrangements, put down those honeymoon brochures for a minute, and read this….

After many years of counseling couples, I’ve found four key issues can make or break a marriage. Below are those issues and my tips on how to ensure a happy, successful marriage follows a picture perfect ceremony.
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